An amateur online poker player burned his own house down today after taking several bad beats at the hands of his cyberspace nemesis 'the_river_rat.' The player in question John Scaliglio or 'pwning_aces,' as he is known in the world of online gambling was at the end of a grueling 12 hour session when he was taunted by a player who had beaten him on the river seven hands in a row.
"It was just too much, I snapped. He's lucky this wasn't a live game or I probably would have reached over the table and snapped his neck," Scalio said later in an interview.
The_river_rat reportedly was, "bragging about how he was such a great poker player and telling [Scaglio] how bad [he] was. He kept hitting the tiniest percentage cards imaginable...he's just a donkey, he sucks, and I kept getting sucked out on...its not fair."
Scalilo then began hurling insults at his opponent aimed at his manhood and family. Some examples from context were, "I fucked your wife in the ass last night...then she sucked me off while I ate out your daughter," and, "I hope you are killed by drowning in a wave of penises at penis high tide so you can finally see what one looks like you cockless fucker."
Eventually the rat was unable to take the insults anymore so he signed off, which prompted Scales to fly off the handle and set his house on fire along with the neighbors' shed, presumably because he didn't have his own shed to burn.
The police say they completely understand where he's coming from, they've had nights like that. As a completely unrelated side note, the cops in the area allow an illegal gambling ring to continue to operate as long as they can play and get sizable kickbacks in the form of hookers and booze. They also received matching tote bag/underwear sets.
While I don't not condone gambling of any kind, I find it completely immoral and socially unacceptable for a man to be tortured mentally in the way that Scalaningnang was, therefore I issue the following challenge to the rat, stop playing so shittily, your ridiculous luck can't last forever. Inversely, if it does last forever, give me money, I need to get one of those fully automated sex dolls and I can't afford it.
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2 comments:
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