A local man claimed yesterday that ghosts in his house have periodically been raping him in his sleep for the last three years. He says the reason he finally came out about the incident was that his wife noticed that he was having trouble sitting down and asked what was wrong. So he told her the story of how the spirits of past owners have been coming to him for years and butt raping him while he slept.
In an interview the man said, "My wife didn't believe me, she thinks I've been going to the gay bar down the street, so I told her, 'If you don't believe me I'll call the paper and tell the same story to the world, I'm not ashamed!'"
The wife gave her testimony, "He was always a little queer, not flaming or anything, but you could tell the tendencies were there. I didn't think he was acting on them, but they were there. This whole ghost story is a load of horse shit, I saw him the other night come out of a gay club downtown. I know what he's been up to, getting sodomized, our marriage is a sham." She cried for quite a while after that.
The owner of the local gay club, "The Back Door" gave us the cold shoulder when we asked about the incident and if there were any gay ghosts who might frequent their establishment, "We don't discuss our customer base and....wait, did you just say ghosts? What are you a wise ass? Get the hell outta here before I call the cops."
No other ghost rapings have yet been reported in the area, but we will keep you informed on this dangerous and unsettling news. We have no reports as to whether sleeping on your back will help prevent any attacks because the attacker may not be corporeal and could come up through the bed. Please report any strange supernatural behavior to the police immediately, they are working closely with the ghostbusters on this case to bring it to a close as quickly and efficiently as possible.
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