Originally posted: February 28, 2006
Congress recently passed a bill that bans even thinking about smoking. Coming on the heels of a law that prohibits New Jersey residents from smoking in buildings, a unanimous vote passed the decision to disallow all US citizens from even thinking about smoking. The new law calls for a fourth branch of government, which is for now being called "the thought police."
The new law goes into effect on June 1st and states that anyone caught day dreaming, reminiscing, or being curious about smoking will be executed by firing squad in front of their family. In the event that they don't have a family, the accused would simply be anally raped before and after being shot. Dick Cheney himself will be the one with the bullet in his gun and as everyone knows, his aim is spot on, especially if aiming for the head/neck/chest area.
He had this to say, "Optimally, for those with no family, they will still be alive for most of the anal rape after they are shot. And just before they die, we force them to apologize. This will all take place on national television, which no mass humiliation would be complete without."
So for all you smokers out there, three months left and then you'll be eating Big Brother's lead. Look at it this way, instead of a slow agonizing death from cancer it will be a quick agonizing death from Dick Cheney with a shotgun, that old guy in his quail hunting party didn't seem to mind...but then, you won't be making a full recovery.
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