President Bush sends aid to Katrina victims

Originally posted: September 11, 2005


President Bush sent the homeless and helpless citizens of Hurricane Katrina a large giftwrapped box earlier today. The box had a note on it that said, help has arrived. It took three malnourished homeless men to open the box but when they did their eyes lit up! It turned out to be a bomb that was ticking down its last three seconds. BOOM! Oh what a spectacle it was so bright and beautiful, of course it killed everyone left in the city. But watching from Texas the sky lit up more gorgeously than on the Fourth of July, which in Texas is also a time of blowing people up.

Bush later held a press conference saying that it was easier and more economically feasible to deal with a city full of dead people as opposed to just killing them one by one. He also said that he was the Yertle to New Orleans' Turtle and he knows what they're going through is hard but they are in a happier place now, with God and His Son Jesus Christ. He went on to say, "Hurricane Katrina is one of the worst hurricanes to ever hurricane its way up. The hurricane got up to very hurricanely speeds and hurricaned the crap out of this previously hurricaneless city."

Hurricane Katrina was a horrible disaster but when New Orleans gets cleaned up rest assured that Mardi Gras will be bigger and better than ever. With less homeless people.