Superman's powers further dwindled today from the prolonged absence of the yellow sun. He says this will not stop him from taking on his most dangerous adversary yet, AIDS. The Man of Steel intends to go ahead with plans to beat the deadly disease...out of each and every terminal patient. This news was a shock to close friends and family who say that until the sun comes back Superman has an average immune system and that kind of activity could put him in contact with a lot of infected blood.
A scientist who wishes to remain nameless agreed to give an interview yesterday, saying, "First of all, this is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of, to put these patients through an ordeal like that would be horrific and completely immoral. Second, if Superman becomes infected, and then he gets his powers back, there is a good chance that the virus will mutate into something completely uncontrollable. It would be the end of the world. I think this is probably the most irresponsible thing that anyone in the world has ever done ever."
Superman remained stolidly focused, "This disease is killing us one by one, it is worse than all the villians I've ever faced combined. Even Doomsday," Doomsday and Superman actually killed each other at one point...Superman came back, don't ask me how, I don't think anyone ever actually explained it. He went on to say, "I must press on in my crusade against this scourge and just hope that God will bring me through it."
Hats off to you Superman, ya big dumb animal. Faster than a speeding bullet and dumber than a braindead chipmunk. God bless you.
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