Originally posted: August 5, 2005
In a continuously breaking story, President Bush has decided to step down from office, following his Vice President's advice in becoming an English teacher.
"Vice President Cheney has never steered me wrong before and I think this is a big step on the road to yieldless steadity in the educational system," the now ex-President was heard to say. He continued, "In my term as English teacher of Lincoln High, I will teach these kids unmercilessly! They will know the fear and glory of being in the presence of one of God's true servants. I plan on being tough but loving with these kids. I mean sure I'll kick someone out of the class for not knowing how to spell 'phlegm,' but I'll send them a fruit basket afterwise you can count your chickens on that."
The Vice President refused to comment, but me being the enterprising reporter that I am was listening intently outside his door when he was heard to say, "I guess we don't have to kill him for me to be President after all," well put Mr. VP.
In the aftermath of these happenings the grounds in front of the White House cracked open and issued forth great amounts of brimstone and other fiery objects. This caused quite a stir with security until they realized it was just Satan, joining the new President for some afternoon tea. The Dark Lord was also unavailable for comment, he did damn my cameraman to everlasting hell though, so anyone wanting the job should contact me about it ASAP.
More news of the ex-President, and how he is doing at his new school, will be issued as it becomes available. Although he is a world renowned Englishist, we'll see how well he crosses his i's and dots his t's when he's got to contend with a class full of rowdy kids who are all quite certain that they are better at English talking than him. For my heroes George W., Dick Cheney, and Satan, this is the man, the myth, the legend, God himself signing out. Me bless George Bush.
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