Middle East Clusterfuck: People dead, Americans indifferent

Originally posted: July 17, 2006


In a surprising new poll, people in the Middle East continue to not like each other. These new findings deal a big blow to the peace process there. While many involved in the warring in that area feel that they are doing things for their country and their god, another poll shows that Americans don't read news unless it is about them. In our attempt to pander to our audience, we decided to talk to some Americans and see how they feel about the situation.

Jimmy Smith was just your normal every day American until one day he heard about war breaking out between Israel and Lebanon. His world could have been turned upside down, but he kept his cool and worked to continue his way of living, "I could really care less about Israel and Lebanon," he said in a recent interview, "Why the hell should I pay attention to something going on thousands of miles away? How could that possibly affect me? Now if you'll excuse me I have to go buy $200 worth of gas."

Joe Franklin was another American who chimed in on the issue, "I hope those camel fuckers all kill themselves that way we won't have to nuke 'em," he continued, "If I was in Iraq I'd personally stick my foot up each and every one of their asses, I wish I was fuckin there man, then they'd see."

We like to see people get their wishes, so we sent good old Joe over to Iraq for free. He seemed really excited about it, so excited in fact we couldn't get him to stop yelling and screaming and kicking the whole way. Sadly we recieved word this morning that he was killed when his head was kicked in by militants in the area he was staying. It's a sad day when a wish goes bad.

We'd love to hear your reactions to the war. Post them below and let us know how you die hard patriots feel about Saddam, the Israel-Lebanon situation, Afghanistan, or anything about the Middle East. Keep it real...real American.