Originally Posted: July 26, 2005
A group of Somerset County teenagers decided that drugs were indeed "not cool" two nights ago when a friend of theirs began yelling and insisting that, "It's the apocalypse run for your fucking lives. Oh god, oh god, oh god."
The teen in question then leaped through the window and was heard to scream, "Oh shit!" just before his right leg and femur broke in at least four places and he passed out.
Following this incident the rest of the crew reportedly, "had a bad trip."
The police were called by a neighbor who heard the screams. When Officer Smith got there he found the boy sprawled out on the black top moaning something about the caterpillar in "Alice in Wonderland."
The officer then went inside to find six of the teens alleged friends allegedly, "freakin out man."
The teens were questioned, but of no help to the officer at the time.
This reporter got an interview with two of them after they were released from custody. Since they are under 18, I cannot divulge their real names. In the tradition of Dr. Seuss, of whom I am quite fond, I will call them Thing 1 and Thing 2.
"Everything was going great until that piece of shit started going ape shit," said Thing 1.
Thing 2 agreed, "All he had to do was chill out but no, he jumps out the fucking window. We were in the middle of trying to figure out what to do with his body...I mean with him when the cops came. We were gonna call them, I swear."
When asked if they would ever take the magic mushrooms again, the answer was a resounding no.
"Its all weed and booze from here on out," declared Thing 1.
"I still really wanna try acid," chimed in Thing 2.
"Yeah me too," Thing 1 agreed.
Me too fellas, me too. Keep on trucking.
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