Students at a local college gathered in a campus park today to protest a rash of hate crimes that has spread across the university like wildfire. The more than 200 people in attendance were somewhat taken aback when the speaker said, "We need to fight fire with fire, so we are going to pass out free Louisville Sluggers, when you see someone acting intolerant, you make them wish they were never so bigoted. There's only one way to stop this inhumanity that has been going on around here and we need to use the only means these people understand...face smashing."
While face smashing has been going on since time immemorial, it has never been fully explored as a means of quelling violence. Many students, after getting over the initial shock of such an innovative idea, were intrigued.
"I think this new plan could work," said an anonymous protester, "It's a good way to connect, physically and emotionally with the face of hate. If we all band together and beat the shit out of people who have wrong beliefs we can fully stamp out prejudice and intolerance."
When the speaker was finished, he held one of the bats above his head and shouted out to the crowd, "We will no longer be afraid to walk the streets of this town, because we have bats and justified anger!" The mob was pleased.
After the initial speech, several kegs were tapped and the event turned into a raucous party with several girls who at some points were going wild. Naked breasts and being drunk on power, as well as beer proved to be too much for several of the young men to handle as they started clubbing each other with their new weapons of righteousness in order to impress their lady friends. The girls were not amused and several walked away to a secluded corner of the park where it can only be assumed they performed various hot lesbian actions upon each other.
Though it is impossible to say exactly what effect putting bats in the hands of young, easily convinced college students will be on impeding violence, it is possible to say, probably not a good one. That's why we don't have impressionable college kids running the country or we'd be going around giving people like Iraq or Afghanistan guns and bombs willy nilly...Dammit.
While face smashing has been going on since time immemorial, it has never been fully explored as a means of quelling violence. Many students, after getting over the initial shock of such an innovative idea, were intrigued.
"I think this new plan could work," said an anonymous protester, "It's a good way to connect, physically and emotionally with the face of hate. If we all band together and beat the shit out of people who have wrong beliefs we can fully stamp out prejudice and intolerance."
When the speaker was finished, he held one of the bats above his head and shouted out to the crowd, "We will no longer be afraid to walk the streets of this town, because we have bats and justified anger!" The mob was pleased.
After the initial speech, several kegs were tapped and the event turned into a raucous party with several girls who at some points were going wild. Naked breasts and being drunk on power, as well as beer proved to be too much for several of the young men to handle as they started clubbing each other with their new weapons of righteousness in order to impress their lady friends. The girls were not amused and several walked away to a secluded corner of the park where it can only be assumed they performed various hot lesbian actions upon each other.
Though it is impossible to say exactly what effect putting bats in the hands of young, easily convinced college students will be on impeding violence, it is possible to say, probably not a good one. That's why we don't have impressionable college kids running the country or we'd be going around giving people like Iraq or Afghanistan guns and bombs willy nilly...Dammit.
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