Monday, February 12, 2007

Getting Smack without Getting Stabbed

Due to the recent wave of local knife stabbings, people have become uneasy about buying their heroine in the area. While several addicts report a lower incidence of stabbings happen when the purchaser actually has the money to pay his (or her) "motherfuckin dealer," many are still not convinced that they are safe.



There are several ways to make buying drugs safer.



One way is to use the buddy system. Don't go into your local crack house alone, that makes you look like an easy target for a pleasurable murder. Instead, bring a friend with you to your place of shady, dangerous dealings so you can both experience the terror of not knowing if you'll come back out alive.



Another method is to bring a gun. This method is slightly less preferred because it can very easily cause escalation in which you will be shot several hundred times by many of the area's all star dealers. They may not be very smart but they will shoot you in the face with a gat.



If neither of those ideas sound like a good plan, or won't work, try learning the ancient art of ninjitsu. Then go dressed as a ninja and demand your heroin. It is a well known fact that drug dealers are terrified of ninjas and will obey those who know the mystical teachings without question. When you have procured the smack do a ninja vanish, this will leave them disoriented and in most instances unable to remember what just happened.



If you're a woman, wearing skimpy clothing will get you out alive, but most likely not the same. Instance of rape goes up about 4 million percent from outside to inside a crack house. So remember ladies, dress like a dude unless you like multiple forced penetration and sticky hair.



There are several ways to get around a stabbing, but the most important thing to remember is never run into a place screaming, "ITS THE COPS EVERYBODY RUN, GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE, GET THE FUCK OUT!!!! I'LL HOLD 'EM OFF FOR AS LONG AS I CAN," then steal their shit. I tried it once...shot twice through the leg...not a good feeling.



Whether you try these methods or develop your own remember, drugs are addictive, but so is...I can't remember, I'm way too high.









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