The Abominable Snowman was found wandering the streets of New Jersey early this morning seemingly confused and unsure of whether or not he should be heading back to his summer home in the arctic. Several animal control teams were dispatched to subdue the creature, but he escaped into a snow bank and blended in to his surroundings.
Several hours later he was spotted again and captured with a large net.
When questioned about why he was in the area he replied, "URGHHH, UGHH, RACHHHHHE, ahem, I was enjoying my vacation here, when suddenly all of these goons with nets and stun guns came after me. I'm not sure if this is how you treat your tourists in New Jersey but I'm never coming back again."
Coincidentally, it is exactly how New Jersey tourists are treated.
Mr. Snowman is being detained in a holding cell under the authority of Homeland Security while they decide whether or not he is a terrorist threat. He will be kept for further questioning until the end of the day when he will leave on flight #458 to Alaska where he will continue his trek home on foot through parts of Canada and eventually return back to the North Pole.
He seemed none too happy about the fact that he would be forced to postpone a luncheon with Santa Claus and told authorities that they would be hearing from his lawyer.
Some locals who witnessed the daring capture chimed in with their own opinions.
One man said, "These damn foreigners are all alike, come into our country and think they can walk around with impunity, I say he got what he deserved. Imagine if I just went to England or France and walked around their streets acting like I should be able to wander without being harassed by them. What's gotten into tourists these days?"
Others were more accepting, such as a prostitute who saw him earlier in the day, "He's just a big, hairy guy checking out the sites. Who cares if he wants to spend a little money in our neck of the woods. Its probably the best customer I've had in ages and my god was he packing heat. He nearly cut me in two. Why can't more men be like mythical beasts?"
In this age of racial equality, it is a real eye opener to see that there is still much prejudice in the world. If a common street whore can see that not all hairy arctic dwellers are terrorists, then the authorities should be able to understand the same.
Several hours later he was spotted again and captured with a large net.
When questioned about why he was in the area he replied, "URGHHH, UGHH, RACHHHHHE, ahem, I was enjoying my vacation here, when suddenly all of these goons with nets and stun guns came after me. I'm not sure if this is how you treat your tourists in New Jersey but I'm never coming back again."
Coincidentally, it is exactly how New Jersey tourists are treated.
Mr. Snowman is being detained in a holding cell under the authority of Homeland Security while they decide whether or not he is a terrorist threat. He will be kept for further questioning until the end of the day when he will leave on flight #458 to Alaska where he will continue his trek home on foot through parts of Canada and eventually return back to the North Pole.
He seemed none too happy about the fact that he would be forced to postpone a luncheon with Santa Claus and told authorities that they would be hearing from his lawyer.
Some locals who witnessed the daring capture chimed in with their own opinions.
One man said, "These damn foreigners are all alike, come into our country and think they can walk around with impunity, I say he got what he deserved. Imagine if I just went to England or France and walked around their streets acting like I should be able to wander without being harassed by them. What's gotten into tourists these days?"
Others were more accepting, such as a prostitute who saw him earlier in the day, "He's just a big, hairy guy checking out the sites. Who cares if he wants to spend a little money in our neck of the woods. Its probably the best customer I've had in ages and my god was he packing heat. He nearly cut me in two. Why can't more men be like mythical beasts?"
In this age of racial equality, it is a real eye opener to see that there is still much prejudice in the world. If a common street whore can see that not all hairy arctic dwellers are terrorists, then the authorities should be able to understand the same.
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